I’m reposting this from Dr. Henry Cloud’s: https://www.boundaries.me/p/boundaries-are-your-path-to-freedom My experience with Dr. Cloud’s resources are superb and they have helped me over the years.
No matter what kind of relationship you’re in — family, personal, romantic or professional — part of building boundaries means that you need to know that your feelings, needs and freedom are respected. When someone is uncomfortable in a situation, or is hurt by a sarcastic remark, or becomes angry with a broken promise, that is a signal that something is going on. The other person needs to take those feelings seriously. Both people need to talk about what triggered this, and solve the problem.
Disrespect may come out in several ways, and it usually involves some violation of freedom in one of seven ways:
1. Dominating: The other person won’t hear “no.” When you disagree with someone, the other intimidates, threatens, or rages. They are offended by your freedom to choose.
2. Withdrawal: One person pulls away when the other exercises some freedom or difference. They may isolate, sulk, or be silent. But they are passively punishing you for your differentness.
3. Manipulating: One person shows disrespect by subtle stratagems designed to make the other person change his mind.
4. Direct violation: The person disrespects by continuing the same hurtful action, even after being asked not to.
5. Minimizing: One person says the other person’s negative feelings are simply an overreaction.
6. Blaming: You talk about a problem, but the other person indicates that you caused the problem. For example, a man will tell his girlfriend that it hurts when she makes fun of him in public. She might respond with, “If you would pay more attention to me, I wouldn’t have to resort to that.”
7. Rationalizing: The other person denies responsibility for whatever caused the problem. There’s always an excuse.