This is sooo true and responsible for so many divorces and problems on dating sites.
From Dr. Henry Cloud, “Marriage was not designed to complete a person. It was designed for two complete people to enter into and form something different than either of them is on his or her own. It was designed, not to make you a whole person, but to give your wholeness a new range of experience.
But many people see marriage as a ticket to short-cut completeness or maturity. Therefore they don’t marry out of strength, but out of weakness. They marry someone to make up for what they do not possess on their own. They marry out of their incompleteness, and doing so erodes the possibility for oneness.
You may have heard couples say,
“We are such a good balance for each other.” This can be good if, for example, he is good at business and she is good at building the nest, and vice versa.
But it is not good if it means that she could not survive in the real world of work and commerce on her own without him. If this is true, she has married a “meal ticket,” or someone to take care of her in a childlike dependency. And he has married a “mother” to make the home that he could not build for himself while he goes off and plays during the day.
This point is so important that I’m gong to say it again:
The crucial element of “two becoming one” is that the two people must be complete in and of themselves – they must be adults – before they marry.”