Marriage and Midlife Crises

I’m reposting one section from an email I received from Michele Weiner-Davis Oct. 3, 2017 newsletter with a link to her full site. I will say that I have found her insights to be invaluable to me and I benefitted from one of her personal coaches when I was going through my divorce to a wife of 18 years that went to her 30th high school reunion and connected with an old crush that was at that time married and living in LA.

…”If you’re going through a midlife crisis and you’re married, it’s important to understand that your marriage might be at risk. 

When you’re unhappy, you look around for the cause of the unhappiness. And sometimes the person standing closest to you-your spouse-is in the line of fire.

You think about how differently your life might have turned out were it not for your spouse holding you back in some way.

You tell yourself you would be better off striking out on your own or finding a new, more supportive, sexy, fun-loving spouse with whom you can spend the rest of your life.

What could be a better escape from all the thinking you’re doing about what’s not working in your life than to find someone with whom you can have a fresh start, who finds you fascinating and exciting?

While it’s possible that your marriage has been less than satisfying and in need of a major makeover, it’s important not to make any monumental, life-altering decision such as having an affair or ending your marriage while you’re feeling overwhelmed with powerful emotions.

Making an impulsive decision to break up a marriage or have an affair often leads to a deep sense of regret or remorse…” Source: http://www.divorcebusting.com  

Divorce Varies from State to State and within each State from County to County

One of the issues that people encounter is described in the posts below. The first is from the PBS News Hour and the second from a law firm. I have no affiliation with the law firm. I simply did a Google search.

I want you to be aware that even within the same state. I live in Illinois, the county laws and “local rules” vary. Therefore, it is a myth to think you can get the same divorce state to state or county to county. In Illinois one of the “games” divorce litigants play is to try to move their divorce and/or themselves into a different county that may be more advantageous to their legal objectives.

In my non lawyer experience many ladies involved in divorce have attempted to move into or use the Cook County (Chicago) jurisdiction because they perceived it would be more favorable to their gaining full custody of children. We can argue about the ethics, but I will not engage in such debates. My only objective is to make people aware. Knowledge is power and let your conscience, your lawyer and your Higher Power or God if you are a believer be your guide.

Is it time for a national divorce law too?

BY LAURENCE KOTLIKOFF  June 26, 2015 at 4:13 PM EDT

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http://www.pbs.org/newshour/making-sense/isnt-time-national-divorce-law/

“One of the biggest issues some married couples face when they move across state lines is how they will fare if they get divorced. (And, again, almost half will untie the knot.) The answer may be far better or far worse depending on the state and even the county in which you reside. I say “may,” because if you reach an amicable settlement, that settlement may be legally approved no matter where you live. But if you have a contested divorce and end up leaving it up to a judge, she’ll likely apply state or county guidelines that can be very different depending on the state or country. Indeed, since only a few states and counties in the country have formal guidelines, the guidelines are mostly those set by the local judge. These judges are, of course, influenced primarily by what other judges in their locality and state are doing.”

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Different States, Different Divorce Laws

Purpose of the Guide

I recently recognized the recovery help I received from a combination of sources including those from divorce recovery at churches I attended,  counseling, and independent divorce recovery support groups were all lacking individually, but brought together as a whole, were substantial.

Therefore, the purpose of this guide is to “bring together” resources from many diverse areas in an effort and with my Higher Power’s help to help others.

Jim Bilello

Oct. 1, 2017

About the Divorce Recovery Blog

This is the post excerpt.

I recently recognized the recovery help I received from a combination of sources including those from divorce recovery at churches I attended, counseling, and independent divorce recovery support groups were all lacking individually, but brought together as a whole, were substantial.

Therefore, the purpose of this guide is to “bring together” resources from many diverse areas in an effort and with my Higher Power’s help to help others.

Jim Bilello

Oct. 1, 2017

post