Here’s an insight I have found to be true after having been divorce for over 7 years. One of the easiest ways for a woman to attract a man is to use her sexuality. Without the willingness to put in the work to make the relationship more than sex it soon deteriorates.
One of the easiest ways a man can attract a woman is to use money and take her to great expensive places and buy her expensive things. Again, without the willingness to put in the work to get to know the woman on more than a “skin-deep” level and really try to have a healthy relationship with good boundaries that contribute to growth in all areas of life the relationship soon becomes nothing more than sex.
Of course you say…so what! I’ve made the mistake and many women I know have too. Some of the plainest simplest insights that seem obvious may be patterns we don’t recognize. If this is a pattern for you, then think about how to break it. There’s nothing wrong with intimacy. But we can’t lean into it so much it becomes a crutch and the main or only reason for seeing someone or being with someone. Right?
Recently, an old friend was bragging to me about how much sex he gets from different women that he has lined up whenever he wants intimacy. Later in the evening he told me they are all just sex and when he tires of a woman he gets a little drunk and breaks up with her. My reflection on this conversation is…that is NOT for me. I want a whole relationship with a woman that is both attractive, but also full with friendship and lots of activities that are regular life and not just sex.
I have found it very hard to find this wholeness. Most of the dating sites are filled with people that constantly fall into the patterns I listed above. Very shallow. This includes sites like eHarmony and Christian Mingle. It’s not easy to find.